Language of Love By Kieron Wells( dark_helmet5@hotmail.com ) "Out madam Fifi?" Pepe said from the front of the French classroom. "Puis je boire de l'eau?" Fifi asked. "Oui," Pepe replied. "Merci," Fifi said, getting up and walking out of the classroom. "What did she say?" Plucky asked. "Can I get a drink of water," Babs replied. "Why didn't she just ask to get some water then?" Plucky asked. "Because," Babs said," asking in French impresses the teacher more." "I'm just now learning how to say hi in French," Plucky said," never mind asking stuff." "I'm surprised you know how to say 'Hi'," Babs said. "Don't you get on my case, too. My parents and Pepe never leave me alone about French," Plucky said. "Ah, don't feel bad," Buster said from next to Plucky," sixty percent of the class is failing, and only three people have a good grade in it." Fifi returned and sat down. "Nous etuidons pour le test?" Pepe asked the class. "Huh?" they all said in unison. "Did you study for the test?" Fifi shouted out from her seat. " Sacre bleu!" "Test? What test?" Plucky asked. "Plucky, Pepe told us about the test a week ago," Hamton said. "Sure, all you students that were awake would know that. How are the rest of us supposed to know?" Plucky asked. Hamton sighed. Pepe began passing out the test. Most of the class never made an effort in French. This was nothing new of course. Students hadn't cared for years about French for years, and the class just became easier and easier hoping for the students to become better at it. They hadn't, but the curriculum had declined significantly. "Wow, this test is easy," Hamton said looking at it. Plucky, meanwhile, was sweating and shaking as he looked down at the test. "What question are you stuck on?" Babs whispered. "What does nom mean?" Plucky asked. "Your name, you idiot," Babs said. "Thanks," Plucky said. "Shh!" Pepe said, hearing them talking over the silence. Plucky filled in the words "your name you idiot" on the line that said nom on it. "J'ai fini!" Fifi called out after having the test for about thirty seconds. "She's done?!?" Plucky asked, astonished she finished a five page test in such a quick time. By standards of exclusively French places, like France or Quebec, this test would be for second or third graders. On a normal French curriculum for English- speaking places, this would be a fifth grade test. But, Acme Looniversity was a little slower. After half an hour, all Plucky had written on the page was "Your name, you idiot!" and a lot of question marks. Babs had finished with the first page. Buster had finished the whole thing, as had Hamton. Buster, Fifi, and Hamton were the only students with marks above 65% in the class right now. Babs was next with a 61%. The whole class filed out, discussing the test that several of them had just failed. "That test was way too hard! Pepe must think we're geniuses!" Plucky exclaimed. "What? How could vous think zat was hard?" Fifi asked. "It was! The only question I got right is the first one, and Babs told me the answer," Plucky said. "I didn't tell you the answer to any questions. I just told you what 'nom' means," Babs said. "And I answered it "Your name, you idiot!" like you said. Man, French can fit a lot of stuff into one word," Plucky commented. Everybody began laughing. "What's so funny?" Plucky asked. "Nothing, Plucky. I'm sure you'll find out when you get your test back," Buster replied. They all walked saying nothing for a few minutes together before Fifi broke the silence. "Hamton? Are vous et moi still on pour vendredi?" Fifi asked. "Yes," Hamton replied. "What did she ask?" Plucky asked. "Hamton, are you and me still on for Friday?" Babs replied. "Did you just ask Hamton out?" Plucky asked. Babs sighed in disbelief at Plucky's stupidity. The following day's French class began with Pepe passing back the previous day's tests. "Have you gotten yours back yet?" Babs asked Buster. "No," Buster replied, " you?" "Still waiting. How do you think you did?" Babs asked him. "I don't know. How do you think Plucky did?" Buster asked her. They both laughed. "I heard that!" Plucky yelled over. Just then Plucky's test was placed on his desk. It has a zero and the word "idiot " on his only answer was circled. "Very funny," Plucky said sarcastically. "Voila," Pepe said, placing Fifi's test down on her desk. "Merci," she replied. Fifi's paper had a perfect grade on it. Naturally. At home she talked mostly French with her parents and then talked English on the phone with her friends, so she was more fluent than most people in both languages. Fifi entered her old Cadillac in the garbage dump that she called home and presented her mother with her test. "Bon, nes pa?" Fifi asked. Fifi usually never showed her parents her tests, but Pepe wanted all parents to sign this one because of how poorly everybody did on it. Fifi's mother looked over it and her face got a look of disbelief on it. She was shocked at how easy the questions were. "Vous should be learning much more difficult French," her mother said. "I can't help it if ze course is tres easy," Fifi said. "Excusez moi," Fifi's mother said, walking into the other room. She picked up the phone. "Eh, principal Bugs Bunny speaking. How can I help you, doc?" Bugs asked. "Bonjour. Je m'apelle Mme LeFume," Fifi's mother said, "Je is calling about ze French program." "Eh, what about it?" Bugs asked, leaning back in the chair in his office. "It iz too easy!" she said. "Why do you say that?" Bugs asked. "Ze tests, they are incredibly simple! Un enfant stupide could get an A on them!" she said. "Well, if I made it harder, the stupid kids would be in here complaining," Bugs said. "Mon Fifi is not getting ze French education she needs," Fifi's mother protested. "Eh, look. This school is not too good at French. Some students wouldn't pass if they dropped any lower in French, and by making the curriculum harder, they'd fail," Bugs said. "But mon Fifi needs to learn better French!" she said. "Sorry, doc. I can't help you," Bugs said, then hung up the phone. "J'ai outraged!" Fifi's mother said slamming down the phone. "What iz it?" Fifi asked. "Une ecole stupide! They refuse to change ze French program!" Fifi's mother said. "Why would zey change ze French program?" Fifi asked. "Because, it iz too easy!" Fifi's mother said. "I like it. It bring up mon average," Fifi said. "No, you need un difficult French class," Fifi's mother said. "Porquoi?" Fifi asked. ( that means why ) "Because, vous needs to know your French background," Fifi's mother said. "I don't care!" Fifi said. "Zat iz it!" Fifi's mother said, storming out of the car. Fifi stuck her head out the window and watched her walk off. "Where could she be going?" Fifi wondered to herself. "And she just stormed out?" Babs asked Fifi over the phone after Fifi explained what had happened. "Oui," Fifi said, sounding distressed. "Where do you think she'd go?" Babs asked. "Je ne sais pas." Fifi said. (I do not know) "I'm sure she'll be back," Babs said calmly. After a few more hours of talking to Babs, both of them went to sleep. A few hours after Fifi fell asleep, her mother returned home. Fifi woke up at seven the next morning, and as she rubbed her eyes, saw her mother with some brochures spread around everywhere. "What are vous doing?" Fifi asked. "Looking at ze brochures," Fifi's mothers replied. "Brouchures? Pour what?" Fifi asked. "Vous will see later," Fifi's mother replied. All day Fifi was a little edgy about what her mother may have planned and what those brochures were for. Fifi discussed this with all her friends at lunch. "Maybe your going on vacation and she wants to surprise you," Hamton said. "We have never gone on vacation before, and why would we go on vacation at the beginning of September?" Fifi asked. "I don't know," Hamton replied. "I would love to go on vacation in the middle of school," Plucky said. "All of us would, but do you have any idea how much work you'd have to make up when you got back?" Babs asked. "Like I'd do the work," Plucky said, chuckling a little. "Why would your parents want the work to be harder?" Babs asked. "I do not know. She says I need to be challenged by French ," Fifi said. "Maybe she thinks a harder class would help you learn the language better," Hamton said. "Quiet Hamton!" Buster, Babs, and Plucky said in unison. "I think Hamton iz right. Mon parents probably think zat," Fifi said. "Why would you of all people need to know French better? You know more now than any other student in the school ever will," Buster said. "How much is that saying?" Babs asked. "Good point," Buster replied. "Maybe I can help you take your mind off of all that," Hamton said, putting his hand out across the table. Fifi held it and the two walked out of the cafeteria hand in hand. "Was that like Hamton's equivilant of a pick up line?" Plucky asked, sounding confused. "I guess. Seemed kinda awkward to me," Babs said. "Don't you two know?" Buster asked. "Know what?" Babs asked. "Fifi and Hamton are going out again," Buster said. "They are?" Babs and Plucky asked in unison. "That's odd, she never talks about him at all," Babs said. "Maybe she's embarassed," Buster said. "Why?" Babs asked. "Like you said a few seconds ago, Hamton is awkard," Buster said. "Anybody seen Shirley?" Plucky asked. "No. I think she's still sick," Babs replied. French class came a couple of hours later with Fifi having a more relaxed look on her face. She look over at Hamton they flashed smiles at each other. "You look happier," Babs said. "Oui," Fifi said. "Any particular reason?" Babs asked. "Oui, I will tell you later. Call moi," Fifi said. "Bonjour class," Pepe said. Just then Plucky ran in past Pepe and rushed into his seat. He sat down and tried to make it look like he wasn't late and he was paying attention. Two things Pepe knew were false. "Did vous all get your tests signed?" Pepe asked. Most of the class held up their tests. Plucky pulled out a pen and rushed to sign his parent's signature. "Plucky, he'll never buy a forgery. He's not Elmer Fudd," Babs said. "I bet he will," Plucky replied. Pepe came over and examined Plucky's paper. "Moi iz impressed," Pepe said to Plucky ,"vous actually got your test signed." "How did you get him to believe that?" Babs asked in a whisper. "Easy. Every time I get something signed, it's forged so they always look the same. All my teacher's think that my parents signature looks like that," Plucky replied. Fifi looked over the lesson written out on the chalkboard at the front of the room. Once again it was all stuff that she knew. Since she knew the entire lesson, her focus moved over to Hamton . She glanced at him with a dazed smile on her face. He didn't think he was especially attractive. Not ugly, just not hot either. He also had this undeniable sweetness about him that she could see in the way things would light up his face and the way he talked to her. "Le sigh," Fifi said, staring at him. Hamton hadn't noticed yet, but after a minute or so, he looked over and Fifi waved. Hamton waved back. "Can you believe her?" Babs said," she's just sitting there staring at him." "You do that with Buster all the time," Plucky replied. "Don't say that so loud! And, that's different," Babs said. "How is it different?" Plucky asked. "Because, Buster is Buster and Hamton is well, Hamton," Babs replied. "I think I could figure that out already," Plucky replied. "Quiet down, class," Pepe said as he began speaking. The class passed uneventfully and Fifi returned home to see both her parents hovering over brochures still. "You're still reading ze brochures?" Fifi asked. "Oui," Fifi's mother replied. "Porquoi?" Fifi asked. "Vous will see later," Fifi's mother replied. Fifi groaned in frustration. Just then the phone rang. "Bonjour," Fifi said answering it. "Hey Fifi, it's Babs," Babs said. "Ah, bonjour mon ami," Fifi said. "I saw you staring at Hamton during French," Babs said. "Vous did?!?" Fifi asked, sounding surprised. "Yes. Maybe you can explain why. I mean, there's nothing wrong with Hamton, he just isn't the kind of guy you fall head over heels for," Babs said. "Oui, he does not seem like zat kind of guy, but he iz sweet in his own way," Fifi said. "Really? He's only ever seemed... quiet to me," Babs said. "When vous get to know him, he iz ze nicest guy," Fifi said. "Really? Well, I guess I could see that. I would like a guy who can be that nice without getting... silly on me all the time," Babs said. "Iz zat complaining about Buster?" Fifi asked. "No. He's kinda immature and I wish he were nicer in the way you see Hamton, but he's a lot of fun," Babs said. "I wish Hamton could be more fun," Fifi said. "Well, we can't have everything," Babs said. "Fifi! Tu parle au Francais!" Fifi's mother yelled. "What did she say?" Babs asked. "She said, 'Fifi, talk in French!'," Fifi replied. "Why would you talk on the phone in French... well, you know what I mean," Babs said. "I do not know. I'll go talk to her. Au revoir," Fifi said. "See ya Fifi," Babs replied. They both hung up the phone. Fifi spoke with her mother, who only said Fifi should try speaking French over the phone, to which Fifi replied by explaining they weren't fluent in French. "Sacre blue! You friends ne parle pas french?" Fifi's mother asked. "No," Fifi replied. "Vous amis should speak french!" Fifi's mother said. "Why?" Fifi asked. "We will talk about this later," Fifi's mother said, getting back to the hundreds of brochures spread across the floor of the Cadillac. They didn't talk about it anymore that night. Fifi was getting incredibly irritated because she had no idea what was going on, and her mother seemed to be becoming French - obsessed. It showed the next day at school. "Hi Fifi," Hamton said from across the hall. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Fifi yelled so loud Hamton was sent flynig backwards. When he landed, Hamton had a confused look on his face. "Like, what's with her?" Shirley, who was now returning from being sick, asked from across the hall. "I'll explain later," Babs said as the two kept walking. At lunch Fifi wasn't much better. Her face was red and she kept gritting her teeth. Hamton was almost frightened as he sat down next to her "H... Hi, Fifi," Hamton said nervously. Fifi turned to him with a very stressed out look on her face. "What is with her today?" Buster whispered to Babs. "Her parents are keeping something from her, but she doesn't know what. It's starting to freak her out a little," Babs explained. Buster looked and saw the pieces of Fifi's teeth falling onto the table because she was grinding them so hard. "A little?" Buster asked. "Okay, so a lot," Babs replied. "Fifi, maybe you should leave some teeth left to chew your food with," Plucky said. Fifi's eyes got wide and her face got even redder. "Never mind," Plucky said, slouching down a little. Finally the tension was relieved a little by the bell sounding and class being relieved. "Maybe we should get her one of those stress relief balls or something," Plucky commented quietly to Hamton as they walked out of the cafeteria. French class arrived, and for the first time in the young school year (it was September 10th) Fifi wasn't participating in French class, when normally her hand was up for every single question. "Is Fifi having a nervous breakdown or something? She hasn't answered a single question all day," Plucky said. "I don't know, but whenever Pepe asks a question, I see him looking over at Fifi expecting her to answer and she never does," Babs replied. Pepe looked a little distressed. He handed out some work sheets and walked out of the classroom. He walked down to the office and called Fifi's parents. "Bonjour? Mme LeFume? Je m'apelle M. LePeu," Pepe said. "Oh la la! Pepe LePeu!" Fifi's mother commented. "Oui. Your daughter Fifi iz not participating in French today, and something seems wrong with her," Pepe explained. "Impossible! She could not have figured it out," Fifi's mother said. "Pardon?" Pepe asked. "We are going to be moving to Quebec but have not told her. She couldn't have figured it out," Fifi's mother said. "Vous are moving?" Pepe asked. "Oui," Fifi's mother replied. "To Quebec? Tres magnifique!" Pepe said. "In Quebec, vous will get all French. English is practically a crime there." "How is English practically a crime there?" Fifi's mother asked. "Ze Language Police, of course. They take down English signs and try to arrest English speaking people," Pepe said. "I tried to get transferred there, but ze school board would not. When do you move?" "Zis weekend," Fifi's mother said. "And you haven't told her?" Pepe asked. "No. We are afraid it will devastate her," Fifi's mother said. "Quebec is a bon place to live," Pepe said. "She will be happy to know. You should tell her." Just as Pepe got back, the bell to end the day rang and he was run over by a rushing group of students. "Do ze homework!" Pepe yelled as he was trampled. Fifi gave Hamton a peck on the cheek good bye and walked down the opposite hall as him. "Funny," Babs said, seeing this, "whenever I do that to Buster he goes insane and I have to dump cold water over him." "Like, maybe you're a better kisser than Fifi," Shirley suggested. "Or Hamton's a little more under control," Babs said. "Don't flatter youself," Plucky said. "Buster doesn't react like that." "Watch," Babs said. She looked at the students passing by and pulled Buster out of them. "Example," Babs said. She gave Buster a small kiss on the cheek. Buster got a dazed look on his eyes and began stuttering his speech and got hearts hovering around his head. "See?" Babs asked. She then pulled out a bucket of water and dumped it on him. "You win," Plucky said. "And Buster, calm down. It's just a little kiss. You would never catch me reacting like that." "Like, whatever," Shirley said. "You wouldn't," Plucky said. Shirley walked up to him and gave Plucky a small kiss on the cheek. Plucky reacted the same way, so Shirley doused him with freezing water. "Like, told ya," Shirley said. Both her and Babs walked away leaving their soaked boyfriends in the middle of the hallway. "They shouldn't exploit our affections like that," Plucky said. "Somebody's been reading the dictionary," Buster replied. Fifi came home still feeling the stress. She was too tense to do any of her school work and had hours of homework. When she opened the door to her abandoned automobile residence, she saw her mother sitting on the phone. "Oui, trois one way tickets to Quebec City for Friday at 11 P.M. Merci," she said hanging up the phone. "What was that about? Why do you want three tickets to Quebec City?" Fifi asked. "France was too expensive," Fifi's mother replied. "What are vous talking about?" Fifi asked. "I wasn't going to tell you until later, but since we only have two days left, I might as well. Zis Acme Looniversity doesn't teach you enough French or about French history. We want you to be immersed in French at all times and learn something, so we are moving to Quebec," Fifi's mother said. Fifi's jaw literally dropped to the floor. "Zat is terrible!!!" Fifi exclaimed. "Calm down," Fifi's mother said. "No!" Fifi replied. "And what does Dad think of zis? Or have you not told him either?" "It was partially his idea. He already has a job there and we have a house purchased too," Fifi's mother said. Fifi hadn't lived in a house for years. Fifi looked at her nightstand and at her picture of Hamton. "What about mon boyfriend?" Fifi asked. "He iz not French. Vous will find a new boyfriend," Fifi's mother said. "I don't want a new boyfriend!" Fifi yelled. "This iz not open for discussion," Fifi's mother said. Fifi walked out of their home and began walking down the street, hitting the occasional pay phone or telephone pole out of frustration. After half an hour, she found she had walked all the way to Hamton's house. It wasn't intentional that she ended up there, but never the less she did. She walked up and knocked on the door. "Fifi," Hamton said, a little surprised that she was there. "Bonjour mon petit ami," Fifi said, walking inside. "Normally you call before coming here," Hamton said. "I was too upset," Fifi said. "What's wrong?" Hamton asked. "Mon family is moving to... Quebec!" Fifi said. "How horrible," Hamton commented. Fifi wiped a tear away from her eye. "Are going to be okay?" Hamton asked. Fifi laid her face in his shoulder and cried for a while. Hamton comforted her the best he could, but it was clear he didn't quite know what he was doing. Fifi appreciated him just trying to do whatever he could. After a few hours of just sitting together in silence, Fifi got up from the couch they sat down on. "I have to go," Fifi said. "Alright," Hamton said, "do we still have Friday night?" "Oui," Fifi said, "we can say good bye then." The two kissed good bye and Fifi began the long walk home. She got to the end of the driveway before Hamton ran up next to her. "Do you want me to walk you home?" Hamton asked. "Oui," Fifi said. She grabbed Hamton's hand and they began walking together as the sun began to set. Two hours later Hamton got home. He had been upset since the minute Fifi had told him she was leaving, but he didn't show it. All that would do would upset her more that she was leaving. She wasn't around, but Hamton kept it inside anyway. The next day was the second to last before her dreaded departure to Quebec, and Hamton and Fifi held hands at every possible moment. During lunch they never let go of each other. By that time, everybody knew that she was going to leave. At one point during lunch, Fifi did get up so everybody else had the chance to talk about what was going on. "I can't believe she's leaving," Buster said. "Me neither. I mean, this is kind of sudden," Babs replied. "What if we threw some kind of going away party or something?" Buster suggested. "No," Hamton said. "Why not? You of all people should want her to have a little fun before she moves," Babs said. "She leaves late Friday night, and I want to spend that last night with her," Hamton said. "That's selfish Hamton," Babs replied. "Why? I think it's what she wants, too," Hamton said. "I don't know if that's true," Buster said. "Think about it. She's been love carzed since the day we met her. This probably is what she wants," Babs said. "Okay Hamton, but you have to let us know how it goes, okay?" "I will," Hamton said. Just then, Fifi sat down again. She grabbed Hamton's hand. French class came around again. Hamton switched places with another student and they sat next to each other. Pepe just passed out an assignment to the class and sat as his desk. He wasn't looking forward to losing his best student, but he couldn't do anything about it so he decided to let her enjoy her last few days at Acme Looniversity before going to Quebec. The whole class, Hamton and Fifi reminised about the times they'd been together. It was best to explore the memories now so they could spend Friday forging one last new memory together. That day ended. Babs, Fifi, and Shirley spent that night talking for seven straight hours on three way calling. Once again, more reminiscing. Tommorow would be her last day at Acme Looniversity. That night passed sleeplessly. Fifi was too worried to sleep. The next morning she walked up the cold cement steps to the place that had been like a second home for years to her and became a little misty eyed. He opened the large red door and walked inside. In the first hall she saw signs and banners all over saying good bye to her and good luck in her new home. And at the end of the hall were Buster, Babs, Plucky, Shirley, and, of course, Hamton. "Merci mon amis," Fifi said, as her down looked turned to a mile wide smile. They all hugged. "Have fun in Canada," Babs said. "Canada? I thought she was going to Quebec City," Plucky said. "Quebec is in Canada," Hamton said. "I thought it was called Quebec City," Plucky said. "Quebec city is in Quebec," Hamton said. "I thought it was in Canada," Plucky said. Half an hour later... "Let's try this again Plucky. Quebec City is in the province of Quebec which is in the country of Canada, okay?" Babs said. "Got it now," Plucky said. " Wait, can we go over that again?" Everybody groaned and walked away. "Wait up!" Plucky yelled as he ran to catch up with them. That morning's classes were filled with good byes to Fifi from everybody: students, teachers, etc. Elmyra was even leaving her alone today. Monty forced his own equivelent of a good bye, which went,"Yeah, yeah, yeah. The smelly one is leavin'. Fine, bye." Finally, the day came to an end. Pepe watched as Fifi walked out of the school. With her hand in Hamton's she took one last look around the school. In the gym she saw her prom night. In her locker she saw the pictures of guys she adored. In the classrooms she remembered everything she'd learned over the years. Finally, her and Hamton walked out and started walking back to his house. "Are you okay?" Hamton asked as the two of them walked. "Oui," Fifi said in a lower tone than usual. "I really admire you," Hamton said. "Why is that?" Fifi asked. "You just took a last look at a wonderful place and you're being really strong about it," Hamton said. "Vous are enough to comfort me," Fifi said. Hamton blushed. The two reached Hamton's house after a few hours of walking around. They went inside and sat down on Hamton's couch. "What do you want to do?" Hamton asked. "I don't know, what do vous want to do?" Fifi said. The two stared into each other and their lips edged closer. Just before they locked, Fifi was liftd up and pulled away. "Huh?" Hamton said, confused. He looked up and saw Fifi's father draging her away. "We have to go to ze airport," he said. "Why so early?!?" Fifi asked. "Call me when you get there!" Hamton said as Fifi was pulled out of his house. "Au revoir, mon ami. I will call as soon as I can," Fifi said. Then, she was placed in a car and driven away. Hamton watched the car speed away, then walked into his room and slept. He didn't know what else to do. There was nothing he could do, but he didn't feel upset anymore. He took some solice in the fact that even if she was far away, she still cared for him deeply, and he cared deeply for her. It wasn't quite being in love, as realistically that doesn't happen when you're 14. He fell asleep thinking of her, waiting anxiously for the phone call in six or seven hours when she got to her new home and her new life in Quebec. By the time Hamton nodded off, Fifi was already on the plane on her way to Quebec. She was very restless and couldn't get comfortable on her seat. She sat, thinknig of her boyfriend back in Acme Acres, with her tail as a pillow. Finally, the plane landed. "This way, madam," the man at the airport said, leading them to a car. "Oh la la," Fifi's mother said as they drove away. The city itself was beautiful and had a historic look to it. It was colder here than in Acme Acres, but not by a whole lot. It didn't fit the typical Canadian stereotype for weather. No snow, no igloos, just a slightly chilly city. The buildings were taller than in Acme Acres and some of the streets were made of large red stones insetad of being paved roads. "Tres magnifique!" Fifi's father commented. Fifi looked at it all in awe. Finally, they pulled up in front of a majestic looking two story house. She walked inside and saw it was already furnished. There was a winding staircase leading to the top of the house. She walked around. The basement was sound proof and looked like a normal part of the house. This house was better than anything she'd ever seen in Acme Acres. "How can we aford zis place?" Fifi asked. "Ze exchange rate to Canadian money," Fifi's mother said. In a large kitched she saw just what she was looking for: the phone. She ran over and punched in Hamton's mother. It was 3 A.M., but she did say she would call right away. "Hello?" Hamton said, answering after a single ring. "Bonjour," Fifi said. "Fifi!" Hamton said excitedly. "Oui, it is moi," Fifi said. "So, what's it like?" Hamton asked. "Incroyable!" Fifi said. "Mon maison is ze size of yours!" "That's great," Hamton said. "Oui. Ze city is beautiful. It looks tres historic," Fifi said. Fifi discribed her new hourse and the city for hours before both of them decided they needed some sleep. Before hanging up, Fifi gave Hamton her new number. It would cost a lot for them to call, but that didn't matter. The price was worth it to talk. The following day Fifi called everybody else (most of them collect) and had almost the same conversation as she did with Hamton, discribing the house and all. She seemed in good spirits as she talked. Later on, she explored the town by walking through it for five hours straight. It was fascinating, and entirely French. It seemed odd to her not a trace of the English language could be found anywhere. Into the next week, something became very clear to Hamton. He'd called Fifi every single day since she moved, but it just wasn't the same. Finally at lunch on the following Wednesday, he aired this frustration to his friends. "You guys, something's bothering me," Hamton said. "What's that?" Babs asked. "Well, talking to Fifi is nice, but it's not the same as seeing her," Hamton said. "There's no way you can see her though. She's thousands of miles away," Plucky said. "Maybe I could go for a visit some time, like over a weekend or something. I wonder how much that would cost?" Hamton said. Just to see how much it would cost, Hamton called up a travel agency. With every passing minute of the phonecall with him his jaw dropped further and further until it was halfway across the room. "$800? For ONE weekend?!?" Hamton yelled. "Yes sir, and that's a coach class flight," the woman on the other end said. Hamton slammed down the phone. "How am I supposed to get $800 to go see her?" Quickly, Hamton called up Babs to ask her advice on the subject. "How am I supposed to know how you can get $800?" Babs asked him. "I don't know. Do you have any suggestions on how to make money?" Hamton asked. "I don't know. I'll try to think of something, okay?" Babs said. "Okay, bye," Hamton said. Hamton tried everybody he knew, but no luck. He was still considering the problem the following day at lunch. "You still haven't thought of anything?" Buster asked him. "Not a thing," Hamton said. Just then a paper drifted over and landed in front of him. "This seems like a bit of a coincidence," Hamton said as he looked to see what it was. "What is it?" Babs asked. "A help wanted flyer. The school is looking for people to help at Acme football games," Hamton explianed. "You're right, that is a coincidence," Babs said. It wasn't actually. Calamity Coyote was putting up the flyers around the cafeteria and overheard their conversation, so he dropped one of the flyers over his way. "How much does it pay?" Buster asked. "That depends on what I do. If I referee, it pays $25 a game. If I sell stuff for them, it pays $20 a day," Hamton said. "Well, go sign up!" Babs said. Hamton rushed out of the room to sign up. That night Hamton was reffing for the game. "Perfecto captain, call it in the air," Hamton said he he flipped the coin. "Heads," the Perfecto player said. "It's tails," Hamton said. The Perfecto player walked over and lifted him up by his shirt. "It's HEADS! Got it?" he asked. Hamton nodded yes and flipped the coin until it was heads. The crowd booed and began throwing vegtables on the field. Hamton pulled out an umbrella, which kept most of the vegtable projectiles off of him. Later in the game, Hamton made a close call in Perfecto's favor. Once again he was pelted with vegtables. "How many games does the team play?" Hamton asked the Acme coach. "Fifteen," he said. Hamton looked up at the stands as a watermelon flew down and knocked him to the field. "I quit!" Hamton said from the ground. It took Hamton four hours to get the rotted lettuce smell off of him and then he was back on the phone with Babs explaining what happened. "Hmm. Well, you said they have other jobs available at the school?" Babs asked. "Yeah," Hamton said. "Go for one of those," Babs said. The next night Hamton was selling tickets to the next Acme game. "How much?" Montana Max asked. "You wanna see a football game?" Hamton asked puzzled. "How much?" Monty asked again. "Ten bucks a ticket," Hamton said. Monty put a huge wad of cash onto the table he was selling tickets at and said, "Gimme 'em all." Hamton complied. Within minutes, Monty opened his own table that said, "Tickets, $50." The Acme coach quikcly fired Hamton for selling to the biggest ticket scalper in the school. So far, in two days, Hamton had been through two jobs and not made a single cent. Hamton came home tired and a little disheartened. His declining mood was quickly brought up by what he saw on the table when he walked in his house. There was a letter from Fifi lying there. He opened it with great excitement. It read: Dear Hamton, Bonjour Hamton! How are you? I have been alright, but not ze greatest. This place couldn't be ze best unless you were here. Mon nouveau ecole is called L'Ecole De Comedie Avec Wackiness en Francais, or the School of Comedy with Wackyness in French. It iz not as good as Acme, but it iz not bad either. What have you been up to lately? Ze reason I wrote is because calling iz way too expensive, and j'ai cannot afford it. Write back to me soon. Fifi At the end, Fifi had kissed it three times with deep red lipstick and included a photo of her in front of her new house. "She's right, that house is beautiful," Hamton commented. He sat down and relaxed with the picture next to him. "I'm going to get the money to come there somehow," Hamton said, "but for now, I'll just write back." Hamton did write back, but didn't mention his idea to come there for two reasons: one, if he couldn't get the money than he would get her hopes up for nothing and two, if he could get the money he would like it to be a surprise. The following day in Fifi's French school, somebody was taking an interest in her. "Bonjour, fille. Je m'apelle Vincent," the blue skunk said. "Bonjour," Fifi said. "Tu sortir avec moi?" Vincent asked. "Non!" Fifi said. She tried explaining she had a boyfriend, but he didn't listen. This was the end of the day, and Fifi rushed out of the school to her home. Vincent watched her leave. Fifi went home and began writing a letter about the day to Hamton, including another guy asking her out. She explained how she turned him down, and how she still considered the two as an item. Although she didn't say it in the letter, she wished to herself that Hamton wouldn't find another girl either. Just as she was about to seal the envelope, her mother came into the room. "Fifi," her mother said, "we have un surprise pour vous." "Porquoi?" Fifi asked. "Un ordinateur," they said. They brought out a computer and set it on her desk. They explained it had Internet access and a lot of other stuff. To this effect, she added to the end of her letter to Hamton, "P.S. What's your E-mail adress?" She sent it off and got back on the computer. While she was sending another letter off, Hamton was trying yet another school - related job. He was selling peanuts at the football games. "Peanuts!" Hamton yelled. He looked down at the product he was selling and suddenly got hungry and ate a bag. "Hey, these are pretty good," Hamton said. He grabbed another bag and ate it. Just as he reached for a third he was tapped on the soulder. He turned around and saw his boss. "I'm fired, aren't I?" Hamton asked. He nodded yes. "And you owe me for those peanuts," he said. Hamton handed him six dollars for the three bags he ate. He was now three jobs and six dollars in the hole. Hamton called up Babs that night and asked, "How much do you figure I could get for a kidney?" "That bad, huh?" Babs asked. "That bad. I could really use some help in finding a way to make money," Hamton said. "I'm working on it," Babs said. "At this rate by the time I get $800 Fifi won't remember what I look like," Hamton said. The following day at the school, they noticed yet another coincidental flyer. "ACME film festival. Top prize $500," Hamton read out loud, noticing the flyer. "Did somebody say film festival?" Babs said, rushing over. "It says right here," Hamton said pointing to the blue flyer on the wall. "I think we know who could star in that," Babs said. Plucky then rushed over and said, "Hey! I could star in it!" "Wait," Hamton said. "If I win, aren't you two gonna want a cut from the prize money, which I need all of?" "Well, yeah," Babs said. "I know I am," Plucky said. "And who will be renting the video camera to make this?" Hamton asked. "You," they both said. "So in other words, I'll end up making almost no money if we win, and making an entry good enough to win will take months of hard work to do, which is time I could use to find a job that would actually make me some money," Hamton said. "Hey, it's your choice," Babs said. Her and Plucky both walked off. "Plucky," Babs said. "Yeah?" Plucky asked. "When did that flyer say the film festival was?" Babs asked. "November 29th," Plucky said. Babs then whispered something in Plucky's ear. "Do you know how hard that'll be?" Plucky asked. "Relax, we've got friends in high places," Babs said. "We can try," Plucky said as the two walked away. Hamton didn't know what they said. That night Hamton looked around for a job. Any job, but he couldn't find anybody hiring kids under sixteen. "Wow, this is frustrating!" Hamton exclaimed as he sat down on the couch after spending the previous three hours or so looking around Acme Acres for some way to earn money. Hamton paced around for a while in his house. As he did this he noticed all of his stuff. His own T.V., Nomindo system, and really old CDs. "All this stuff's gotta be worth money," Hamton said. He went into another room and grabbed a large box to put all this stuff in. "Do I really want to sell all this stuff?" Hamton thought to himself. "Yeah, it's just stuff. Whatever enjoyment I get from it isn't going to give me half the joy of a single minute with Fifi." Within half an hour, Hamton had gone down to the pawn shop and received $200 for a box full of stuff. "At least I've finally made some money," Hamton thought to himself. September was over. Fifi had made some friends at her French school, but it wasn't like Acme Looniversity. It was too... normal. Fifi had seen Vincent a few more times and she did speak to him momentarily, but no sustained conversation. The conversation usually ended when Vincent would make some sort of romantic advance on her, but she constantly pushed him away. It was delayed, but after a while, Fifi's letter made it to Hamton. He always felt better when he received a letter or a phonecall from her. She called him every Friday night now. Into the beginning of October, Hamton had yet to come up with another method of making money. It was Friday before Fifi was going to call and Hamton tried to call up Babs. "Hello?" Babs' mother said. "Is Babs there?" Hamton asked. "No, she's not. She said something about meeting some friends and making something. I'm not entirely sure," Babs' mother said. "Okay, thanks. Bye," Hamton said, hanging up. It was still hours before Fifi's expected phonecall, so Hamton decided to check his email to kill some time. In his mail box he saw a message from Fifi. The email read like this: 'Bonjour Hamton. Sadly, I cannot call you this Friday because I am going to a party. Don't worry, I won't go with any other guys, pour vous are the only garcons pour moi. I will call vous Saturday. Au revoir! Fifi.' Hamton was somewhat disappointed, but otherwise okay. At that party, Fifi saw her aquaintence Vincent from school. "Sacre bleu! Vincent!" Fifi exclaimed when she saw him. "Bojour Fifi!" Vincent called to her. Fifi could only find one hiding spot: under a table, so she ducked under there. After a few minutes, Vincent jumped down next to her. Fifi got up and ran off. Vincent chased after her, but Fifi was already out the door. At this point it was eleven thirty. The rest of the party until Vince showed up had been fine. Fifi didn't like Vincent because at school he never left her alone, and he constantly asked her out or tried to kiss her dispite the fact that she told him over and over again he had a boyfriend. Hamton didn't do anything that night. Whatever Buster, Babs, Shiley and Plucky were making they were at it all night. At this time Fifi was rushing home away from the very persistent Vincent and go onto the phone. "Hello?" Hamton said as he answered the phone. "Bonjour Hamton," Fifi said. "Hi, Fifi. You said you couldn't call me tonight," Hamton said. "I know, but ze party was a pain," Fifi said. "Why? What happened?" Hamton asked. For an hour Fifi explained about who Vincent was and how irritating he was getting. Fifi also went on about her friends, just to keep Hamton kept up on what her life was like. Hamton told her how Buster, Babs, Plucky and Shirley were all doing something, but he had no idea what. At the end of the call, they promised to email each other every day. Monday at lunch, Hamton had some questions for the four of them. "Where were you guys all weekend? All your parents said is you were building something. What was it?" Hamton asked. "Project," Babs said. "What project?" Hamton asked. "Umm... Science," Buster said. "Really?" Hamton asked suspiciously. "Absolutely," Babs said. "Okay," Hamton said, sounding like he didn't buy it. Time seemed to fly. Hamton and Fifi kept their promise to email everyday, and they still called at the same time every week, but they missed seeing each other terribly. It was now the middle of November. A lot of Hamton's four best friends at Acme Looniversity had been suspiciously absent on weekends. During the second week of November, something unexpected happened. Hamton's computer broke. "What do you mean you have to take it in for repairs? I need that!" Hamton said. "For what? You can do your school work in the library," Hamton's father said. "No, I need to be able to get to my email," Hamton said. "Why? The only people you email are people you see at school anyway," Hamton's father said. "No, I email other people," Hamton said. "Well, it needs to be fixed. That sound it always makes worries me," Hamton's father said. "What sound?" Hamton asked. "That fuzzy sound when you go into that dial up program," his father said. "That's the sound when you connect to the internet!" Hamton said. "It sounds wrong," he said. Hamton groaned. His father walked out the door with their computer in his hands. As soon as he walked out the door, Hamton ran over to the phone and tried to call Fifi. "Bonjour?" Fifi's mother said. "Is Fifi there?" Hamton asked. "Pardon? Je ne parle pas anglais," Fifi's mother said. Then, she hung up the phone. She was lying, but she figured she brought Fifi to Quebec to emmerse her in French, so keeping English out was the right thing to do. That included the people. She wasn't going to tell Fifi, of course. "I know she speaks English. Why would she answer the phone and act like she didn't?" Hamton asked himself. His big problem now was he wasn't going to be able to email her or see what she wrote to him. The following day at lunch, Hamton explained the problem. "And that's the only way you can contact her?" Babs asked. "I mailed a normal letter, but those take forever to get to Quebec," Hamton said, "by that time she'll think I just stopped answering her." "You could use my email and just explain what happened, "Plucky suggested. "I could," Hamton said. "Great, you come over tonight and I'll get you in," Plucky said. Hamton arrived at Plucky's that night and Plucky had already accessed his email for him. "Okay. Yahoo seems like the perfect email provider for you, Plucky," Hamton commented. "Do you want to use my email or not?" Plucky asked. "Sorry. Anyway, I'll write my message and then we'll find something interesting to do," Hamton said. He typed a message to Fifi explaining that his computer was in to be fixed and he wouldn't be able to read any messages. He also had some nice things to say to her, then he finished. The next day, Hamton went back to Plucky's and saw the answer. It read like this: Bonjour Plucky, you tried this before and I didn't buy it then. I know this isn't Hamton, it's you, Plucky, trying to be tres funny. "You tried to pretend you were me?" Hamton asked. "Well, just for fun," Plucky said. Hamton rolled his eyes. After a few more days, the letter came into Fifi's mail box. Normally, their mail was packed with Fifi's magazines and letters, but for the first when Hamton sent snail mail, Fifi's mother decided to get the mail. Normally she would just leave it until Fifi got home to answer it herself. When Fifi's mother saw that the letter was sent from an old friend in Acme Acres, she ripped it up. She was desperate for Fifi to hook up with a French teenager, so she wanted Fifi to forget about all the old Acme guys. She made no secret she wanted Fifi to go meet a French boy. Fifi didn't call that Friday. Since she'd seen nothing to the contrary, she just thought Hamton wasn't answering her. Hamton tried calling her, but once again her stubborn mother answered, so he couldn't get through. November was coming to a close. Finally, the 29th arrived. Over the last couple of weeks, Hamton became annoyed he hadn't heard from Fifi and he couldn't get through to her. Meanwhile the computer place was still trying to find the problem with theirs. "Hamton, we've gotta show you something," Buster said. "What?" Hamton asked. He was lead into the Acme Film room where a crowd of people had gathered. "Oh right, that film festival thing I saw advertised months ago," Hamton said. "Of course, that was when I had a reason to get to Quebec." "Don't you still have a reason?" Babs asked. "She never wrote back, and I can't get through to her any other way," Hamton said. "Why can't you check your email from other computers?" Buster asked. "It's one of those stupid email providers that checks for your IP adress," Hamton said. "Well, there are two movies left. Maybe they'll make you feel better," Babs said. On the first she saw Plucky's name and directed by Steven Spielberg on it. It was incredible. The next had Babs' name on it and was also directed by Spielberg. "How'd you get him to direct your film fest movie?" Hamton asked. "Well, he was sick of this episode going nowhere. And, you should have guessed you'd find a way to Quebec eventually," Babs said. "Did you win?" Hamton asked. Just then, two judges walked up to them. One handed Babs the first place check, and the other handed Plucky the second place, $100 check. "Wow, I'm surprised. You ended up with exactly the right ammount of money to get to Fifi," Babs said sarcastically. "Is this what you've been doing for like three months?" Hamton asked. "No. You think we'd spend that much time making a movie for you?" Plucky asked. "Plucky, just admit that you spent all that time making it. Nobody will think any less of you if you do something selfless," Babs said. "Fine, yeah, I spent all that time making it," Plucky said. "That took a lot of guts to admit, Plucky," Babs said sarcastically. The following days, the checks were cashed and the tickets were purchased. On December 20th, the beginning of the Christmas break, Hamton was headed to Quebec City. After a couple of more weeks, Hamton got his computer back to see seven messages from a month ago from Fifi. To sum them up, they started with stuff like where are you and home come your aren't writing me back, followed by her getting increasingly annoyed. The sixth and seventh message were two weeks apart. In the last one, it read, "I hope vous are very happy with yourself, vous have broken mon heart." After reading all of that, Hamton wrote her a long email explaining what had happened and how he had tried to contact her. He also said he hoped she didn't hook up with another guy yet, because he still felt strongly for her. He didn't, however, mention his plan for coming. "Have you heard back from her?" Babs asked three days after Hamton sent that email. "Not yet. I hope she didn't just delete it when she got it," Hamton said. Back in Quebec, Fifi got home and saw the email from him. "Ze pig wrote me back. It iz about time!" Fifi said. When she read it over, she felt guilty about writing the last email. She hadn't found another boyfriend, much to the chagrin of her mother. The last five days seemed to move mollasses slow to them all. Hamton had to explain to his parents what he was going. "Mom? Dad?" Hamton said. "Yes, son?" Hamton's father asked. "Well, for this Christmas break..." Hamton began. "I know. You're disappointed we're not going on vacation," Hamton's father said. "No. I... I am," Hamton said. "I'm confused," Hamton's father said. "I'm going to Quebec until the 24th," Hamton said. "Why would you go to a place like that?" Hamton's father asked. "To see a friend," Hamton said. "Do you have it paid for already?" Hamton's father asked. "Yeah, I paid for it," Hamton said. "Hotel, plane, everything." "Oh good. Had you asked us we would've given you the money," Hamton's father said. "Now I find out..." Hamton sighed. "Oh, we're fine with this," Hamton's mother said. Had Hamton said it was to go see his girlfriend they may have had an objection, but since he neglected that little detail, they were fine. Back in Quebec, the snow began to fall heavily. "Oh! Ze first snowfall!" Fifi said peering out the window the snow was light, but it looked beautiful as it fell over the city. It was dark at six p.m. there. The next morning it glistened in the early morning light when Fifi awoke. "It iz so romantic," she commented, "I wish Hamton was here to share it with." It was the morning of the 20th and Hamton was shaking with anticipation when he arrived at school. "Hamton, calm down. Your flight doesn't leave until six tonight," Buster told him. It had snowed a few inches in Acme Acres as well. "I know, but I'm a little nervous about going to a strange city and trying to find her," Hamton said. "All I have is an address. I don't know how to find the place." "Don't tell me you're going to back out now," Babs said. "No, but wouldn't you be nervous about doing what I'm about to?" Hamton asked. "Well, yeah," Babs said. During the final period of the day, the clock slowed to a crawl. With his heart pounding and his pulse racing, he saw the clock go to 3 P.M. "Have un bon vacances," Pepe said as the class rushed out. Hamton was especially quick in bolting out of the class. What he was feeling now felt more like a panic attack than excitement. He was scared about going, but he had worked hard to get to her. The feeling of nervousness didn't leave him as he grabbed his one suitcase of packed luggage and walked into the car. "And you're sure you want to go to a strange city by yourself?" Hamton's mother asked one more time before they got in the car. "Yeah. Relax, I'll be fine," Hamton said. He was still shaking, especially his hands. "You look like you're having a seizure or something Hamton," his mother said. "Relax, I'm fine," Hamton said. "Okay, well have fun in Quebec," his mother said. "Bye," Hamton said. He then waved good bye as they drove away. "Just sit down and relax until we get to the airport," Hamton's father said. Hamton sat down, but he could hardly relax. He'd been shaking since last night. Lots of doubts entered his mind. Should I have told her I was coming? Should somebody else come with him? Should he have taken more money or luggage? It was too late to do anything about it now. All he could do is worry about what he should have done, and that also made him nervous about this. He felt like he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Finally, they pulled up to the airport. "Good bye son," Hamton's father said as his son walked out of the car. "Bye, Dad," Hamton said, grabbing his ticket and money and walking away from the car. Hamton searched around the crowded airport for gate fifty five. It took a few hours to find, but eventually he did find it. He nervously walked up to the gate and got through to the plane. "Why am I doing this?" Hamton asked himself. He knew why, but it felt like a disaster waiting to happen in his mind. He got on the plane with the same apprehensions going through him. He felt sick to hs stomach because he was so nervous about this. He'd been apprehensive before, but never like this. Never to the point where it made a physical impact on him. But, it was too late. He the saw the ground get smaller and smaller as the plane lifted off. He didn't notice the pilot speaking or when the stewardess slipped him a pillow to sleep on. He couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned through the long flight, thinking about what he would do when he got there and regretting decisions he'd made, like coming, coming alone and not bringing a cell phone. He was more awake than if he'd drank ten cups of coffee. Finally, the landing at three that morning. More light snow was falling over Quebec City as he landed, but not enough to affect the landing. They landed in another crowded airport. It was pitch dark only a small distance beyond the airport. Normally a flight would take a lot of energy out of somebody, but not this time. He saw a cab down coming to the airport. "Taxi!" Hamton yelled. Quickly two men in blue uniforms came running at him yelling, "Anglais! Anglais!" Hamton got wide - eyed and ran up to the cab, rushing inside as the two persued him. "L'Hotel grand," Hamton said, reading off his reservations. "Oui," the driver said, taking him to the hotel. The ride was fifteen minutes long down slippery roads. The snow was at a depth of eight inches in Quebec, and Hamton found it hard to walk through as he walked into his hotel in the middle of the night. From underneath his baggage he showed his reservations written out to the desk clerk who let him through. Hamton collapsed on his bed, figuring that showing up at Fifi's house at two in the morning wasn't a good idea. Hamton woke up at nine the next morning and saw the wonderful appearnece of the city for the first time. Looking out the window the snow glistened and the sun shone brightly. Instead of being nervous, he now felt excited about going. He ran over to his suitcase, pulled out a coat and ran outside to find the street. "Now, her adress is on rue LeCavallier," Hamton said standing on the sidewalk. "Anglais!" he heard somebody yell. Another one of the people he saw at the airport came rushing after him. "Who are these people?" Hamton asked himself. After a few blocks, he lost him. To his pleasant surprise, when he was done running, he looked up and saw he was on rue LeCavallier. "Two birds with one stone," Hamton commented breathlessly," now, if Fifi's mother is going to be herself again, I'd beter find out how to ask if Fifi's there in French." Hamton pulled out a French/English dictionary and started to look up words. As he did this, one of the blue uniformed men came up and ripped out all the English from it. He then dropped it on the ground. "I am really starting to hate those guys," Hamton commented. As this was going on, Fifi was getting a visitor. "Bonjour," Fifi said openeing the door. "Bonjour Fifi," Vincent said, standing on her porch. "Ah Vincent," Fifi said not sounding very pleased to see him. As those two were talking, Hamton began walking down the street to find her adress. "Let's see... 355, 357, 359, and there's 361," Hamton said. He looked up and saw Fifi talking to Vincent. Vincent then kissed Fifi on the cheek. Hamton's eyes grew wide. Was she cheating on him? Hamton turned around for a second facing down the opposite direction of the cold, snow covered street. "Iz that...?" Fifi questioned as she only saw the back of his head. She shook her head in disbelief. She pushed Vincent off the porch and began running down the street, still not having seen the face. As she got closer, she knew it couldn't be anybody else. Hamton turned around as Fifi was about five feet from him. "Hamton!" she yelled, sounding more excited than she ever had in her life. Hamton extended his arms and she landed in them, knocking them both in a snowbank. "Mon sweet, sweet pig. How did vous get here?!?" Fifi asked still sounding joyful. "I got $800 and flew in for three days," Hamton replied. "Tres magnifique!!!" Fifi shouted. "Can we get out of the snowbank before I get pneumonia?" Hamton asked. The two stood up. Fifi hugged him again and began jumping up and down still having him in her arms. "I'm happy to see you too!" Hamton exclaimed. The two wrapped their arms around each other and kissed for thirty seconds. "Come in to mon maison," Fifi said. The two ran back up to Fifi's house. Vincent had a shocked look on his face after what he just saw. To him it looked just like she was passionately kissing a complete stranger. The two ran up into Fifi's room and sat on her bed. "This place is even more spectacular than in the pictures," Hamton said. "I'm sorry for zat email from before," Fifi said. "It's okay. I'm just wondering why my letter never got to you," Hamton said. "I don't know," Fifi said. Hamton took a look out the window. He saw a horse drawn carriage carrying a smiling, happy couple through the streets of Quebec. Hamton thought about how wonderful that would be to do. "Maybe Mom knows what happened to it," Fifi said. "Is she home?" Hamton asked. "No, not right now," Fifi replied. "So where are vous staying?" "L'hotel grand, room 5 a couple of streets over. Say, do you know who those guys in blue that keep yelling, "Anglais," at me as they chase me around are?" Hamton asked. "Ze Language Police," Fifi said. "The Language Police?" Hamton asked confused. "Oui, ze Language Police. They don't like English too much in Quebec. Anglais means English in French," Fifi explained. "So how do I avoid them?" Hamton asked. "Don't speak English in the street, or hold up anything with English writing on it. See, look," Fifi said, point out the window. They saw a man with an English sign on the corner getting his sign distroyed and the Language Police chasing him away. "Oh," Hamton said. The two held hands and talked for hours, never once having the smile leave their faces, until they heard a car pull into the driveway. "Mon parents are back," Fifi said. She ran down stairs and asked her mother about the letter. After a few minutes, Hamton could hear Fifi yell, "You did WHAT?" After a few more minutes, Fifi came upstairs and said, "Vous have to go." "Why?" Hamton asked. "Because mon parents are terrible!" Fifi said. Hamton walked out the door. Fifi glanced over and made sure her mother was looking, and gave Hamton a kiss that made him react like Buster or Plucky would've. "What do vous know? I can kiss like that," Fifi said. Hamton walked down the strange streets of Quebec once more, not knowing the language very well and certainly not knowing the terrain. "Great, how do I find my way back?" Hamton asked himself. "The only way I found my way there was by being chased by the Language Police. Hey..." "English rules!" Hamton yelled. Within seconds, two Language Policemen were chasing him down the street. Once again, just as he lost them he reached his destination. "I've gotta find a better way to make my away around the city," Hamton thought to himself. He walked back into his hotel room and fell asleep. He felt optimistic, like he was going to see her again before he left. Little did he know, he was right. He was awakened by a knocking on his door at ten that night. "Yes?" Hamton asked as he answered. Fifi stood right there. "Bonjour!" She said excitedly. "Fifi!" Hamton said excitedly. The two kissed once more. "Mon parents tres stupide!" Fifi said. "Why did I have to leave?" Hamton asked. "Mon parents want me to find a French boy, but you are the only boy for me," Fifi said. Hamton blushed at that. "So what are you going to do?" Hamton asked. "I don't know. When I return home, mon parents will be angry with me," Fifi said. "But I don't care! I want to stay with you." "I don't know," Hamton said. "Why? Don't you want to be together?" Fifi asked. "More than anything," Hamton replied. After a few hours of talking, Fifi slept on the bed and Hamton slept on a chair. Fifi was nervous. Nervous about coming to see him. Nervous about what her parents might do. Nervous that she was in love with him. This wasn't just a crush anymore. It was dangerous as most people in that city weren't too accepting of English-speaking people. It was dangerous for her to be seeing him. They were in love in a dangerous time. Hamton woke up to see Fifi already up watching TV. "Good morning," Fifi said. "Good morning, Fifi," Hamton said. Suddenly he felt shock that she was still there. "You're still here?!?" Hamton said. "Oui," Fifi said. "But... your parents?!?" Hamton asked. "I don't care about what they say, I want to be your girlfriend," Fifi said. Hamton felt overwhelmed with joy that not only did Fifi feel just as strongly about him as he did about her, but also that she would run a risk to see him. Finally, at eleven that morning, Fifi knew she had to go home. "Good bye mon petit ami," Fifi said. "Bye, Fifi," Hamton said. They kissed again. Hamton had never felt so good in his entire life before. He didn't want to bring up what he saw with her and Vince. It didn't matter anyway. She didn't even seem to enjoy that. "Where were vous?" Fifi's mother said in a very stern voice as Fifi entered through the door to her home. "With a friend," Fifi said. "Parle Francais!" her mother said. "No!" Fifi replied. "Fine, we'll talk in your beloved English," her mother said. "You should be hanging around with un French garcon." "Why? None of them make me happy," Fifi said. "What iz wrong with zem?" she asked. "They're all boring, pompous and arrogant," Fifi said. "Hamton is sweet and loving. He came all ze way from Acme Acres for me." "Why don't you like French? Vous are from a French background!" her mother said. "I had ze greatest French mentor in the world in Acme Acres. I was learning all I needed to," Fifi said. "Vous have not been yourself since we moved," her mother said. "And why do you think that iz?" Fifi asked. Fifi then ran up to her room and thought. She hated this whole city. She missed Acme Acres terribly. She missed seeing Hamton all the time. She drifted off as she thought about all this. She awoke the next morning and composed a note. "Mon famille, Hamton is returning to Acme Acres today, and so am I. Ze question is whether or not your going with me. If you still want me as your daughter than vous will be joining me on my way back to Acme Acres. If vous just want me to leave, then return ze plane tickets enclosed with this note that I bought with your credit card. I will be back at 1:00 PM to get mon stuff. If you're coming than come with me. Mon flight leaves at 3:00. -Fifi By the time her parents saw it, Fifi was already at Hamton's hotel. "There's something I've wanted to do since I first saw you here," Hamton said. "What's zat?" Fifi asked. The two of them got onto one of the horse drawn carriages. Together in the back, they sat talking and laughing. "Zis is fantastique!" Fifi commented. The two kissed and talked and laughed for two hours seeing the streets of Quebec city. They were both happier than ever before. The streets decorated for the coming holiday looked spectacular. It was an awe inspiring sight. Finally, it ended and the carriage dropped them off in front of her house. "Hamton, I have a present for you," Fifi said. "What is it?" Hamton asked, sound ing curious. "I'm coming back to Acme Acres," Fifi said. This was the only way to make Hamton any happier than he was on the ride. He hugged her joyously. Just then, her parents walked outside carrying arm fulls of luggage. "Vous ready to go?" they asked. "Vous are going?" Fifi asked. "We couldn't just let you leave," they said. Fifi smiled and they all hugged. They got in the taxi with their destination Acme Acres, then the airport. Fifi would go back to the old Cadillac for a while, and start looking for a new house after New Year's Day. Hamton only went for a visit, but ended up bringing back the one he was closest to. THE END